Change and Me

"Change is the only constant." (Heraclitus...some Ancient Greek philosopher)

Change is all around us.  It is never-ending, it is one of the few things that can be relied upon to always always happen.  And it does not sit well with me.  I struggle to cope with it.  Last year was one of the worst years of my life, at the time I looked at it as a year full of bad luck, even though I dont really believe in luck.  It was in fact a year full of change.  And it almost broke me.

It takes me a while to let new people into my life, and it takes me even longer to get over people leaving it.  I cannot cope with loss.  My cat (who I didnt even really like) went missing a year ago, it still keeps me awake at night in a panic of guilt.

I get incredibly uncomfortable when Im out of my comfort zone.  And yet...I seek out change.  I yearn for it.  I work for it.  My whole life plan is based on me speeding through a far more rapid whirlpool of change than life alone is likely to subject me to.

Why would I do that! Surely thats crazy.  Its like an arachnophobe saying they are going to buy 100 tarantulas and let them run free in the bedroom.  Or is it.  To conquer my fear I have to face it.  And embrace it.  And seek it out.  

One day maybe change will come as easy as the seasons do for me.  Maybe I will learn to love it.  For there is no fear in love.