Remember last time

"You shouldn't get involved in that.  Remember last time."

Those words are from my mother, and they cut me to the bone. 

To me, the "last time" she was referring to wasn't a situation I regretted, wasn't an action I viewed as a failure, wasn't a decision I felt I got wrong.  It hurt that the woman whose opinion matters most on me looks at part of my life as failures, especially when I dont share the same view.

To me, the "last time" was in fact, entirely different from "this time". It left me feeling lost that someone I am so close to still cannot see the world through my eyes.

And even if "this time" were the same as "last time", it hurt that someone I regard as my best friend doesn't trust my intelligence to not make the same mistake twice.

10 years ago, that comment would have sent me into a screaming rage.  5 years ago it would have turned me into a depressed ball of misery.  1 year ago, that comment would have left me feeling compelled to debate the point until she shared (or at least pretended to share) my point of view.  But today, I just let the comment pass.  Why?

Sure, I felt the pain, the shock, the betrayal of trust.  But not the need to react.  I would say I have learnt that sometimes the health of the relationship is worth much more than the health of my ego, more than my desire to express my opinion, more than the need for understanding.  So much more.

And beyond this insult, this relationship, this reaction, I am rapidly learning that the further away I take my life choices from the choices that the majority of people make, the more often I am going to get reactions like this.  And you know what?  That's ok.  Just because I may not share someone's opinion, doesn't mean they are not entitled to it.  And it doesn't mean their opinions, views or choices are not equally valid, even if that might hurt me.   

But it doesn't have to define me either, and it certainly doesn't have to prevent me from acting out of love.

Interestingly, this theme of isolation in life seems to be running wild at the moment, from my post on relationships, to Tynan's awesome post on lifestyle and Sebastian's post on understanding.