Collision

Why is it so easy for me to learn from experience, yet so hard to let go of the past?

It is irrational to assume that the behavioural outcome will be the same from different people who happen to find themselves in a similar situation.  I know this, I have studied this, I understand this.  And yet I cannot help but feel...

...the pain of betrayal so sharply, as if the expected outcome has already occurred this time around.

...the paralysing grief from the dreading of broken rules, that reminds me how easily that grief can tear the very fibres of my being apart.  Rules that haven't even been established this time, that aren't even there to be broken.  Rules that I don't ever want to make again.

...the anger at the thought that yet again I risk it being one rule for me, and another rule for him.

...the hatred of myself for feeling pain, sadness and anger directed at someone based on nothing they have done, but simply because I have learnt from something that somebody else did.

...the disappointment that the scars of the past are able to mark the present, long after the old injury is forgiven and forgotten.

...the fear.  Usually when I identify the source of my mental discomfort I feel satisfied that I am then in a position to address it, but with this I am not so sure.

For when past and present worlds collide, who can survive?