Sweet hypocrisy

I have made no secret to myself of the fact that in my search for love I desire a little more freedom and a little less limitation than perhaps my culture prescribes that I should have.

I believed in my desires.  I did the research, I did the maths, I theorised about the morality and the logistics and the emotions.

And while it all seemed so simple when I considered how I would react to my man's desire for his own freedoms, for his own limitless love,  I never really reflected on how I would react to my own.

So I was surprised by the fact that in the cold light of day, what my emotional self wanted was far from the conclusions of my rationalising and theories.  Freedom?  Sickening.  A love without boundaries?  Terrifying.

Is it possible that just because I felt mentally ready to leap away from the cultural preconceptions of what love should be, that didn't mean this could be achieved in any other way than by taking tiny baby steps?

Maybe.

Is it possible that I don't need a relationship without boundaries, I just need the freedom to make my choices for myself?

Perhaps.

Is it possible that all my theories are wrong, and that I actually have no idea what I really want?

Probably.

Is it possible that all the theories in the world cannot come close to  providing me with the understanding I need to face relationships with conviction and compassion, and it is only through experience that I can come close to finding what really works?

Definitely.

But what I have learnt is that although relationship theories can be made alone, they must be applied with someone else.  And only through application can either person know what themselves or the other person truly feels.

Falling in love always all over again

As always... when summer finally wings its blessed way around to this dank little island... I fall head over heels back in love with life again.  Hot sunny days are my inspiration, my muse, again, and again, and yet again  today.

Out on the calm dark lake, under brilliant spring green trees, beneath cloudless sun-drenched skies, I am entirely at home with myself.

Completely satisfied, fully present, madly in love with every breath of this precious life.

 

 Oh for a life where it is always always summer.

Biphasic sleep vs. just sleeping less

It is now a month since I concluded my biphasic sleeping experiment by deciding that to really validate whether biphasic sleeping was an improved method, I needed to compare it to a single monophasic 6 hour core sleep.

And I believe the answer is that 6 hours sleep in a biphasic pattern is much more sustainable than 6 hours in a monophasic pattern.  While I can do a couple of 6 hour monophasic nights, I think I would really struggle to adapt to this long term as I do seem to get really tired, whereas with a 6 hour biphasic sleep I don't really feel tired at all.

But what does work brilliantly for me, is combining the two!  If I am tired, I take a nap at 10.00 p.m. and have a biphasic night.  If I am not tired or if a nap doesn't fit with my plans for the evening, I stay up late and take a monophasic night.  And if I feel really really tired, I let my body take as much sleep as it wants.  I know my body better than to ignore what it is asking for.

Two months in there are still two points of interest to note about biphasic sleeping.  Firstly, getting up from nap time really doesn't get any easier... I had kind of hoped it would!  Secondly, while I am fine on 6 hours sleep, it only takes one night of less sleep to really throw me off balance.  Literally half an hour less and the next day is exhausting.  I think this means that my body is much more on the edge of what it can cope with for sleeping, and I am not certain how healthy this is longer term.

But for now, my method works and I am oh so productive with it.  So for now, I am sticking with it.

Free Spanish learning resources

One of my ongoing preparation tasks for my future travels is improving my Spanish language skills.  I did an evening class in conversational Spanish for a year while I was in 6th Form, but am far from fluent so decided further improvements were needed.  I would love to become fluent in another language and intend to really try and improve while I am travelling in Spain, but I figured a head start before I go was probably a good idea!

Here is a collection of the resources I have used or hope to use in future, I find doing the widest range of activities possible helps to keep me motivated.

Beginners

BBC resources are by far the best ones I have found...and best of all they even give you a downloadable certificate when you complete the course.  Yay reward time!  The majority of this stuff is holiday orientated of course, but it's a great place to start.

www.bbc.co.uk/languages/spanish/talk

www.bbc.co.uk/languages/spanish/mividaloca

Intermediate

The BBC also has more advanced learning resources in the form of school revision materials.  And there are a few non-BBC websites out there as well, although the quality of the resources seems a lot poorer I think the actual learning material is just as good

www.bbc.co.uk/schools/gcsebitesize/spanish 

http://spanishrevision.co.uk/ 

http://lapasserelle.com/sm/esp90mp3/index-eng.php

How to make a campervan kitchen

The evolution of my van kitchen project...apologies for the slight repetition between this and my van wardrobe post regular readers... but some points are important enough to make twice!

Initial design

Firstly, plan out how your entire interior is going to look.  You want to minimise the amount of wasted space in your conversion while ensuring it has everything you really need.  Don't be afraid to ignore all the conventional wisdom on how vans should be built, this is your conversion and it needs to meet your needs.  I wanted a double bed while not sacrificing cupboard space or the ability to use the back doors of the van, so my layout is pretty unusual but it suits me perfectly.

The blank canvas

I am the kind of person who finds it really helpful to see things when I'm planning them out, so after cutting scrap bits of wood to roughly the right shape, I used these to decide on the final dimensions for the kitchen.  It is really important to consider what height you are going to make the kitchen unit - my worksurface needed to be at a usable height both when I am sitting on the folded up bed and when I am standing outside the back doors of the van.

Mocking up the height and deciding on final dimensions

Plan out the design of your kitchen.  I chose to install a gas cooker but not a sink.  A sink is really only preferable to just using a bowl if you can have running water, which means you need to install an electrical system.  Even though this sounds nice, it is still only going to give you cold, undrinkable water, which for me was too limited a solution to make it worth all the additional effort.

The design

Don't be afraid to change your mind.  The first build was done in 12 mm chipboard because I couldn't find any plywood which was light and thin enough to be suitable.  The chipboard was satisfactory, but it lacked the strength and flexibility of plywood.  So when I eventually sourced some suitable 9 mm plywood, the almost finished wardrobe got ripped out and started again!  

The almost complete kitchen... take one

Consider adding on additional components onto the end of the kitchen to utilise the additional space.  In my van, the main kitchen unit could not extend right up to the rear doors because the van door opening mechanism has to be accommodated.  But rather than waste this space, the gas cylinder compartment and an extension to the worksurface were added.

The completed kitchen unit... take two!

If you are going to install a fixed gas cooker (which is necessary to get your van registration changed from a commercial vehicle into a campervan), get some safety advice!  The gas cylinder needs to be in an individual container, ideally with a vent to the outside of the van.  Mine doesn't have a vent but it is right next to the doors, and I will have to completely disconnect it every time I move the vehicle.  I also had a professional gas engineer check the installation when complete.

Gas cylinder compartment...bit dark in there for photos!

The cooker compartment is lined with a metal coating to prevent the wood from overheating and to make things easier to keep clean.  The worksurface is topped with a thin antibacterial melamine coating that was spare from another project, basically any kind of smooth lino type thing would be perfect.

Cooker hatch complete with silver coating

And congratulations... you are now the proud owner of your very own van kitchen!

Fernweh

How to make a campervan wardrobe

Evolution of my wardrobe project from start to finish...

Initial design

Firstly, plan out how your entire interior is going to look.  You want to minimise the amount of wasted space in your conversion while ensuring it has everything you really need.  Don't be afraid to ignore all the conventional wisdom on how vans should be built, this is your conversion and it needs to meet your needs.  I wanted a double bed while not sacrificing cupboard space or the ability to use the back doors of the van, so my layout is pretty unusual but it suits me perfectly.

The blank canvas

I am the kind of person who finds it really helpful to see things when I'm planning them out, so after cutting scrap bits of wood to roughly the right shape, I used these to decide on the final dimensions for the wardrobe.

Finalising the design with scrap wood

Don't be afraid to change your mind.  The first build was done in 12 mm chipboard because I couldn't find any plywood which was light and thin enough to be suitable.  The chipboard was satisfactory, but it lacked the strength and flexibility of plywood.  So when I eventually sourced some suitable 9 mm plywood, the almost finished wardrobe got ripped out and started again!  

I also redesigned the doors, from 3 sliding doors to 2 hinged doors.  Sliding doors are great but 3 made for a slightly awkward mechanism, so hinged doors seemed preferable even if you do have to be careful not to get stuck on the wrong side of them when you are opening them! The doors have a metal catch on the outside and 1 door is bolted inside the wardrobe to make things secure while the van is moving.

Wardrobe take one...you can't really see the sliding doors but they're there!

Consider how the interior is going to be arranged.  You want a design which allows the wardrobe to be completely filled with your stuff without any risk of mid-journey possession explosions all over the rest of the van!  So I bought some standard wardrobe tidies and altered them slightly to be more suitable for the wardrobe.  This involved shortening the tab top fastening so that no space was wasted and removing the bottom pocket.

 

My finished wardrobe

And congratulations... you are now the proud owner of your very own van wardrobe!

As you are

Sally on Helvellyn admiring the view...nothing to do with this post but she is super cute anyway!

I seem to be very preoccupied with boundaries in relationships currently.  I have written before about how much I desire a love without limits, but this is a concept which goes so much further than the topic of fidelity I wrote about previously.

Having a love without limits is one thing, but what does it mean to actually practice loving without limits?

So many relationships and so much of our cultural repertoire is based around the idea of moulding, shaping and changing our partners to better fit our ideal image of how they should look, feel and behave. And if we can't or won't change them, we are told we must "compromise" or even accept our partner's "flaws".

And yet, what gives me the right to change someone else, even if I believe it is for the better?  Why does love have to be based on compromise, an endless reduction in the happiness of both parties?  Who am I to classify a person's personality traits as flaws simply because I do not like them?

Accepting someone as they are is one thing, but what does it actually mean to believe that you do not have to convince the right man to do the right thing?

Love should not be about limiting the other person.

Love should be an enabler.

Love should be about enabling them to be entirely themselves, the best, happiest and most comfortable version of themselves.  And not the best version of themselves as I see it, but as they themselves want to be.

Flaws?  There are no flaws, just another complete person to be loved as they are.  No limits.

Compromise?  There is no compromise if there is no change to be made, if the other person is allowed to simply be as they are.  No limits.

No limits.  Just love. 

Krav Maga training update

Here are some photos from my Krav Maga classes I started recently, I am learning so much and I am actually enjoying it!  Not only am I enjoying it, it is transforming my body like nothing I could ever imagine, so it's totally worth doing it for this alone!

Getting some extra explanation from Ryan the instructor

Practicing punching drills (that's me on the right!)

Escaping a choke hold...fun!

I am really glad I started these classes and would recommend them to anyone who is considering solo travel, is interested in self defence or simply wants to get fitter (a lot fitter!).  Asides from anything else, it has already given me the confidence to even attempt to defend myself in an emergency situation, and honestly I think that is an incredibly valuable thing to learn.