The "What if..." plans

One of the things which has been slowly rising up my "To-Do Before I Leave" list is preparing my emergency information to be left with my Mum when I go.

There is all the things I am perfectly alright with preparing... like photocopies of passport, driving licence, vehicle documents.  Information on bank accounts, email account logins, etc etc.

Then there is the stuff I am not alright with.  The what to do if Anna goes missing list... the what to do if Anna dies list.

It would be so easy to ignore these lists, to just not write them.  But that would be too selfish of me.  I wouldn't consider leaving without having written these emergency backup plans.

I am already choosing a lifestyle which is probably higher risk than my Mum would ideally like, but she accepts that.  The least I can do in return for her acceptance is make sure that if anything were to happen, I make it as easy as possible for her to handle.  And making the necessary information readily available to her is basically the only thing I can do.

But it is heartbreaking.  Writing things like that down is heartbreaking.  I cried and I cried and I cried.

Not because I am afraid of dying, but because I am afraid of being responsible for putting myself into situations which will break my Mum's heart.